My Position

So only three more exams to go until two months of freedom. Well, I say two months of freedom, I might be getting a job in some tiny old cafe that's always full of old people, but you know what I mean. I've had all the teachers sign my leaver's sheet, and I've had to re-do a part of my Welsh Baccalaureate because the school happened to lose a piece of it, but I've handed that in now. Today, in fact. Then I was sat in the car thinking, "It would be so cool to go out and meet up with people today..." but my phone's key pad has come unstuck and Sony Ericsson's are under warranty for two years. They didn't mention the fact that it keeps turning itself on and off though... That's the thing that gets my goat the most. The other day, I turned my phone off and I went in my bag to unplug my iPod before an exam and that's when I saw it. The screen flickered and showed me the 'turning on' screen, that probably has a real name but I've forgotten it. Anyway my new phone has a huge lack of contacts - at least a huge lack of contacts that I use, seeing as this phone is the one that I used in 2008. But if you didn't receive my facebook message, then I guess we won't be talking any time soon... I considered boring you with an exam update, but I'm going to give a brief one when they're all over. The last day will be Friday June Twenty-Fifth, Twenty-Ten. The same day that this amazing show comes back onto our screens:

The Hay Festival, 2010

Monday, May Thirty-First, Twenty-Ten. This is the day I've been waiting for. This is the day that occurred yesterday. This is the day that as time goes by, gets further and further into the past.

Everybody knows about The Hay Festival of Literature and Arts. It's been hailed as 'the Woodstock of the mind' by Bill Clinton and is ever increasing. It was started in the late eighties, is an annual occurrence and spans over ten days. It originally only featured literature based events, but thankfully has expanded to include music, films, stand up and many other things. Is it a high society thing? Not really. Is it perceived as being so? Yes. I honestly think that that's only due to the interest in literature or arts (no matter what that may be) that you require to actually want to go. I'm not interested in drugs, I'm not interested in drink and I'm not interested in sex. I don't eat meat, I don't party and I don't have much in common with the media's perception of teenagers, and yes, you guessed it - I wanted to go to The Hay Festival.

My friend invited me to see Tim Minchin with her, and after a long conversation with my parents, which I dare not bore you with, it was decided that if I could get someone to go with me, I could go. Tickets cost a mere £15, and I say mere because he's really making a name for himself so I'm expecting ticket prices to mushroom by next year unless he does something spectacularly wrong. The person I got? My beloved Ashmlee Willie Winkie. He paid for his own ticket obviously, but it's all cocaine baby because he has a job and walks around with over £100 pounds in his wallet, which we've constantly told him not to do but to no effect. The car journey wasn't too bad, nor was it too eventful. I can't remember the time we left, or the time that we arrived, and it doesn't really make a difference to the story, with which I'm simplifying a lot to save time and energy for you guys.

We minced about for a few hours. We looked in stalls, Mother and I rushed to buy a The Guardian's Hay Festival bag each (which came free with a £1 Guardian that nobody really wanted), we looked for food but were shocked at the prices and lack of vegetarian food, Ashmlee Willie Winkie laughed at the ice cream stall that used sheep's milk to make their ice cream I stared wide-eyed in slight horror at a woolly jumper that looked like it was covered in swastikas and we caught the shuttle bus to town. We bought food from a small place called Oscar's, and I bought two CDs for £5 from the huge amount of CDs being sold, there were at least thirty standard school desk tables completely covered in music. I bought 'Nude' by Suede, and 'This Is Hardcore' by Pulp. Yes I am getting heavily involved in Britpop, the nineties scene. My parents bought me a cowboy voodoo doll thing and a pair of adorable bumblebee voodoo doll earrings which I wore to Tim Minchin. They also bought me a ladybug lapel pin, which is adorable. We roamed around two vintage stores (upon which I saw a girl dressed completely head to toe in vintage and realised that I could never carry it off), a bookshop which specialises in murder and mystery and the Castle Bookshop. We then caught the shuttle bus back to the festival sight so the two of us could meet up with the original friend who had invited me and her friend in the queue with one hour and a quarter to go. We could hear him through the tent and got overly excited. We went in and sat about six rows from the front. Tim Minchin came out and the three of us girls squealed and even Ashmlee Willie Winkie let out a smile not too dissimilar to our manic faces. He started off with 'Rock 'n Roll Nerd' and went through many songs and stand up moments. It was amazing. He went off track a few times and handed hecklers in such an amusing fashion. Of course, we all thought the hecklers were in their twenties, but it turned out they were in their thirties or forties (why isn't there a 'U' in that?) and were rather lovely. They seemed like paedophiles, but I think they were just a bit drunk and gay, and yes, I can judge all this because I met them when we were queueing up to meet the man himself. My friend made a spectacle of herself to one of the security staff men, who was oh so lovely about the whole thing. I won't go into it, because it annoyed Ashmlee Willie Winkie and myself. She is two years younger than me though. Stereotypes have some truth behind them, and there's a reason why thirteen year old girls are ridiculed. I don't care if she's fourteen, it still applies. She went insane about having to queue, I explained that it's because we're British and were raised with manners. She wanted to barge. I was sarcastic. The sarcasm might have been lost on her.

Tim Minchin signed all of our tickets, and Ashmlee Willie Winkie was so excited! I thought it would be quite sweet to all have a photo together, the three of us. It also saved a lot of time as the whole thing seemed very rushed. I don't care, I met the man, I'm a lucky bum! I said to Pa when he fetched us, "You'd be pleased to know that I was more excited to meet the Australian than to meet the drag artist," in referral to meeting Jeffree Star. He seemed pleased to say the least...

PostScript: I'm going to enter the festival's short story competition. There's a cash price, although it's not as big as you's imagine, and it has to be about Avarice. I haven't read the terms or the rules, but I'm excited nevertheless!

A Classic Moment.

'Living-God' Jarvis Cocker hosts a radio show on BBC Radio 6 Music and won the Sony Rising Star Award. His show is on from four in the afternoon until six in the evening every Sunday, and he is quoted to have said "Sunday doesn't feel that different to the other days of the week anymore. Although there was something weird about when everything seemed to stop on a Sunday, it kind of marked out the week. I am going to put the boringness back into Sunday. That's my mission." He's sort of become a modern John Peel also, and is trying to stop the station from being closed down in order to save money, although he says that it's very cheap to run as the presenters don't have extortionate pay cheques and the shows are recorded in the same building as Radio 2. He said, "6 Music is never going to be the biggest station in the UK but it would be devastating if it was to close... 6 Music isn't going to change the world, it just wants to make it a bit nicer." Anyway, May 16. 2010, he starts the show by playing 'Tangled Up In Blue' by Bob Dylan, and at the end he said, "Tangled Up In Blue by Bob Dylan. That one goes out to Nick Clegg..." It took me a while to get, and when I told 'Mr. Shit, I Haven't Got A New Name For Him Yet And The Old One's Inappropriate', his reply made me realise how slow I was on the intake and how I maybe shouldn't tell others about it. I went on to tell Mother of Jarvis' little quip and she replied with "David should reply that he's going to live in a Yellow Submarine!" Anyone who doesn't get that should be embarrassed by their ignorance.

My Stroke of Genius in the Bath

So Kennedy's a cat, the following has many references to the Cuban Missile Crisis, Cleo's a hypochondriac. Any comments, suggestions and improvements are welcomed.

"No matter how much I want to, we can't keep him Winston, it's not fair on Kennedy. He's agitated and this is his home. This should be a place of relaxation. Besides, the dog doesn't even have a name."

Laughing, Winston said, "We could call him Khrushchev."

Cleo laughed too at the reference. She felt a little knot in her throat and a growing fondness for Winston. She blinked hard and said, "They can't work out an amicable decision though, not without Kennedy ending up with less than he began with anyway."

"True true," Winston said, chuffed that she'd understood his joke. "The only thing he can lose is his home, and that's not right. I'll put an advertisement in the paper then, and keep him at my house for a week."

"And then?"

"And then I'll try my hardest to let him go. I know it's like the enemy forming connections to you that are too close for comfort, but please don't set up a blockade!"

They mockingly shook hands. "I don't aspire to damage relations Sir, EXCOMM and I have learnt from past mistakes. You have my word."

Laughing, Winston went to take the newly-named Khrushchev to his house, and Cleo slumped on the couch in confusion and panic over her new feelings. She'd never felt like that before - was she ill? She made a note to herself to visit the library soon.

the Thing, the Allergy, the Spider, the Channel.

So I survived Lady Hammett's Aunti's house 'thing' and I might've exaggerated everything in my head due to fear. In the end, I wore my balloony purple top over a black long sleeve and black skinnies. Since my hair is black now, just the tiniest bit of black clothing makes it look like you're wearing all black, so I tied a floral scarf in my hair and put on silvery eye shadow (with black liquid near the mascara-coated lashes of course), and and my coral nail varnish! It makes me happy to look at, I need to buy more bright colours. I stayed over Lady Hammett's house, and then got picked up by GrandPapi. (It was actually really funny, as my phone started going and I looked at Lady Hammett and said, "It'll be my grandad going [impression of GrandPapi] I'M OUTSIDE!" and then, when I answered the phone, all you could hear was GrandPapi going "I'M OUTSIDE!" to which we laughed.) I got in the car, smirked at the old man and put Johnny Cash on. The song in question: One Piece At A Time.

We went to Gegin Fach (a tiny cafe in Llandeilo that's usually full of OAPs where I'm hopefully going to get a Summer job), met Mother and had food. Then, instead of walking down to Ashmlee Willie Winkie's as planned, we drove down and picked him up to take him with us to Leekes. He wasn't home, he was in Ben's, but walked over just before I lazily made my way over. We had a chocolate muffin each, and a hot chocolate with cream each, then we left. I had fun at home playing with his face and showing Mother the outcomes. We napped, went downstairs, Mother made him food (pasta with sauce) and made me a snack (Pringles to dip in the same sauce but in a pot), and we settled on the couch watching freak programmes. Programmes such as 101 Things Removed From The Human Body, Another 101 Things Removed From The Human Body, Surgical Appliances That Were Left Behind, and something to do with amazing medical stories. He slept on the couch again, and was gone by the next morning. I read fifty pages of Silas Marner the next day and it nearly killed me. I then started itching my arm again, therefore leading us to believe that Ashmlee Willie Winkie is my allergy. It only happens on Sundays, after I've seen him on Saturday.

Today, the first official day of the holiday, and I woke up a few times before finally getting out of bed at 14:26 to a sleeping house. I woke the house up (turned all the lights on and let the dogs out). Last night, not only did I have an itch, I also had a splitting headache that caused me to lose my peripheral vision when I stood up and forced me to wear sunglasses that look like they were from the sixties since the lights in the room (which was only candlelight) hurt me. The rents found it pretty funny anyway. I blame the fact that I read a whole fifty pages of Silas Marner! I'm better now though. Anywho, Mary started crying and I took her out the back. I closed the door and then saw a hideous, fat, petrifying spider and shrieked. Santi ran in and toyed with it for about two minutes, at one point sitting on it and trying to go under the mat because he thought it was under there. When he found it under his fat arse, he picked it up with his paw and ate it. He's a very smart cat indeed. I then fetched him some food to help it go down because I was actually scared that it would come up and attack me. I can't kill living things myself, and I have often let spiders live in the house against the rents will, but when it's as scary as this one was then I must let Santi intervene. It is just like a treat after all..? He's not a murderer, he's a saviour! MY KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR! xD

I almost jizzed when We Are Scientists came on television (NME of course) with their new song 'Rules' and oh sweet Jesus, I love Keith and his voice! I turned it up louder than I normally would with sleeping rents, but they deserve to be played loud! Once that finished, I pressed [channel down] and HOLY CRAP! The Academy Is... were just on television! There's an amazing new channel called Lava (underneath NME Tv, Sky 378) and I literally love every song on it. It has bands that I never thought I'd see on the television, just on the internet. Like Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, The Academy Is... and The Wombats. They also show really old videos, like The Automatic and Paramore's first videos. Plus, at night they have unsigned bands, which is an amazing way of finding new pocket bands to say you've been there since the start with. I now have five channels, although only four really since Scuzz isn't my thing anymore though. I still have MTV2, Kerrang! (just about), NME Tv, and now Lava!

Back In Form.

I know that people are now aware of this blog, and I honestly don't mind. This is just me trying to let off steam, put things into perspective and be happier in the knowledge that I'm not being a secretive moose. Anyway, Meh knows and in some ways I don't actually mind because I didn't really hide it, and whilst I could only ever patronize him, I was getting better on the talking front. However, I noticed how I've actually gone back to how I use to be mentally: unstable, intolerant and closed. My hair is back black too. I wear colours now though, and I don't like feminine guys much (which reminds me of my shocking revelation).

Today was the school's Eisteddfod, which is all in Welsh. None of the lessons ran properly, and first lesson I had Welsh. I'd made up a plan on the spot when I arrived and saw no Meh, I quickly went to a computer room before he could appear and did a task for Business that I hadn't done before. Lunch time went with no qualms, apart from me panicking over outfits to wear to this 'thing' tomorrow (which I'll explain later on), and then only myself and one other person turned up to Art. So we went down to the hall to watch some of the Eisteddfod. First was a Welsh rendition of Queen's 'Somebody To Love' which has to be one of the most awful things I've ever heard, and then there was a Welsh rendition of James Morrisson's 'Broken Strings' which was actually really good considering it was in Welsh. Mind you, it was fronted by one of the prettiest, loveliest, most talented girls in my year, so that was no surprise. Then there was some crap 'ceremony' thing that made no sense to me but went on until forever, or at least that's what it felt like. Then there were the disco dancing groups. The first in green were okay, but the dancing wasn't amazing and it wasn't funny, so it didn't bode well. The second group came out in blue (which was my 'team') were entertaining and did well. Nothing could prepare me for the final group though. Basically, the guys stole the show in the way that all guys can. Girls just don't know how to be funny. Bless, they completely stole the show. Four of the guys in their vests (and I never thought I'd be girly about guys with muscles, but I literally died - in a good way), one in a bright yellow tutu. He's in my Business class, so I knew he was really funny, but I never thought I'd actually laugh out loud at him on a stage. Meh was in that group, but that wasn't why I watched it and I really resented the thought that that was why I was there.

I then stayed afterwards to watch some of the music soloists. My 'bus buddy' first, my old friend second, Lady Hammett third, Chin fourth. Then I left. I would've waited for Squidward, but I didn't know how long that would be. I had to walk past Meh to leave the room, and I think I nearly broke my neck. The floor was like a magnet and I clenched my eyes shut. It was horrible, I felt so small and puny. Oh well... Turns out Squidward won, which is epic since all we hear about is Lady Hammett and my 'bus buddy' winning things, but Squidward isn't as competitive so it's less rare news. Lady Hammett understood when I explained to her. This is one of the few times where I could actually say it better than I wrote it down. Talking about music, I have rediscovered my love for Emilie Autumn (her album is top priority for me to get now, sorry Ellie Goulding!) and Elly has introduced me to Joanna Newman, who is seriously amazing in a weird way. Emilie Autumn is quickly becoming my new obsession. She went to a music school, and they told her to keep her personality off the stage as she was only an outlet for the music, she tried to kill herself a few times and has bi-polar, eventually ending up in a mental asylum. She's written a book called 'The Asylum For Wayward Victorian Girls' and records poems and releases them as a part of her albums. I've included a short video of hers below and it's like the only video of that topic. She's not like these feminists who rant and rave about men all the time.

The 'thing' that Lady Hammett has brought upon me is that of a family event that I'm still not sure of. I had a brief run down on the family members that would be there; the depressing vegetarian and her know-it-all second husband, the kooky old lady and her deaf husband, the posh host who doesn't need to work and has two houses and her husband (who I've forgotten all about other than he must have a good job), the drop-out cousin and chav cousin with the boring job who I can't remember if their going or not, the cousin with the babies. Anyway... I don't know what to wear. I've been warned not to say anything weird or wear too much black. I don't want to over-dress or under-dress, I have a really nice posh dress but it's black, and Lady Hammett assured me that it wasn't 'that' kind of 'thing'. To say the least, I'm petrified and the worst part is that it's tomorrow.

I've also decided that in sixth form I shall say what I want, wear what I want and do what I want. I'm fed up of this fake façade, living life trying to be normal and then relaxing on her. In sixth form, I won't hide things and I won't be defeated by someone as perfect as Meh. I'll be like a sphynx - weird, extreme and naked (metaphorically or course). Oh, and by the way, I totally can't believe that it was snowing on the last day of March. Spontaneous weather - I like you. You can stay.

The Week Before HELL.

So Monday night, I'm home alone and therefore obviously on the one and only worthwhile social networking website for my particular age group - go on and try to guess what on Earth I'm talking about! Whilst clicking 'become a fan' of random statements that I agree with or find amusing, I get a phone call from Mother. She's decided we were to be going to the Cotswolds on Tuesday, the day of my mock Welsh oral. Does she know this? Hell no! Did I care? Not in the slightest (Y)

The most gutting part had to be that I pretty got up at the same time as I usually do. I hate when you don't have to go to school, but you get up the same time. It leaves you feeling hollow on the inside, thinking about the lie-in that you should be having as a reward for not going to school. I got up though and put on my skinniest pair (and therefore favourite pair) of black skinnies, my new AMAZING Nike shoes, my New Look 'Rockstar' long jumper, my turquoise American Apparel zip-up, my ancient New Look black jacket thing, a creamy zebra print head band and my favourite Chihuahua necklace from Eden. Whilst walking from the car park to a nomnomnom place, we passed a little wooden shop, so we went in there and bought this wall thing that looks like a house but is actually a key holder. It's cute. We then went to the gallery that we always go to and viewed menus in four different places, the first two had little choice but did offer pea soup so I would've been happy, the third was just in passing and the fourth was somewhere that we normally go, and Pa and I had homity pie (which I usually have in school). We then went browsing in random shops, like Oxfam, Fat Face and a button shop, before heading over to Cirencester cathedral. I sat in there like a vain pig, redoing my head band and eye liner, whilst Pa was in a weird mood and Mother walked around in awe, like she has done the last 1,000,000,000 times we've gone there. I just don't seem to care much for cathedrals or churches or any religious places to be honest. Mother still argues that I'm a Christian because I've been Christened - she refuses to listen when I prove her wrong with what my RE teacher told the class. Seriously though, I couldn't keep my eyes off these English guys! We then zoomed to Cardiff, which we didn't really want to do, but it was getting late and most places would be closed in Swansea by the time we arrived. We went to two Pizza Hut's and in the first, they were really rude, and in the second, they'd run out of dough but were very polite. We then went to Pizza Express, but it was freezing in there so we went to Zizzi's which we love anyway, and we were served by this not-so-bad-on-the-eyes guy called James, who we realised was gay as soon as he opened his mouth. Tsss... Not cool.

Here's a list of things that went on between Wednesday and Friday:

I had to explain my absence in History to Lady Hammett, I was called repulsive by Squidward, I text a group of people asking them if I was just to prove that I'm not, I was prioritised in the hugging department by Digby, I met my new doctor, I had a row from my Welsh teacher for not being in school when I had my mock Welsh oral, I received my report (which had a double Business page and no Physics page), I spoke a few sentences to Smooth without exploding, I lost it to a Virgo, I nearly died in PE, I was called 'Foundation Girl' in referral to Welsh by my friend who's turned really bitter to me about the whole thing and I had a review with the Headmaster. Oh, and yes I know I should call her a Headmistress, but words changing for sexism and racism has gone too far. Isn't it better to treat people the same and not give people different words based on their sex? Feminism can get screwed. Then to top it all off, Lady Hammett stayed over and we watched two episodes of The IT Crowd, one episode of The Mighty Boosh and Blades Of Glory. We went to bed at gone three in the morning.

Saturday morning, we were meant to catch the quarter past eight bus to Swansea, as I had arranged on Wednesday (the same day I was called repulsive), but then on Friday night Cherry text me to tell me that the Brynaman bus would arrive in Ammanford at twenty past eight and that she 'hadn't had time' to check the times. (It took me about three minutes to check all of the bus times on the internet in my Business lesson.) This seriously annoyed me, so we had to bum around Ammanford until ten to nine, which really wasn't cool. We then zoomed to Swansea, zoomed over to Vue, waited for it to open and then went in and bought our tickets. Lady Hammett bought a large popcorn for the two of us and told me I didn't have to pay her, but she only ate like, three handfuls. I ate it all basically! Ashmlee Willie Winkie was there, so I saw him for a bit, then we went straight in and watched the film, which I can't be arsed to review (because I like to review things properly and in depth). However, I will tell you that my favourite character is now the March Hare, and my ultimate favourite part of the film simply had to be: [booming Scottish accent] YOU'RE ALL LATE FOR TEA! I'm not even joking, I nearly wet my pants. Seriously, I love him! After that, we strolled around Swansea, visiting the Blue Banana, Claire's, Top Shop, the special pasty place (Cherry rated her pasty an eight, Lady Hammett rated her pasty a nine and I rated my pasty a ten), Derrik's Music, Hobo's and Eden. We then went to the Mad Cow (Lady Hammett had a Nutella milkshake whilst Cherry and I had Kinder Bueno milkshakes) and then met up with Cherry's friends Shaun (Crumple) and Amy. They're lovely! Even if Crumple is obsessed with someone that seriously hurt me without giving it any though, y'know Fag from a few posts ago? Yeah, well him. Amy was lovely and crazy, which is grand. Lady Hammett went quiet, but that's here prerogative so..? We saw Ashmlee Willie Winkie again, which was grand! We went to the Blue Banana twice more because Crumple is obsessed, but to make up, he bought us Subway cookies, so it's all cocaine baby! On the bus, Amy went sick (poor thing), I took loads of pictures of Lady Hammett doing hideous faces and Midget REALLY annoyed us. Oh, and for reasons I can't be bothered to explain, I was being called Simpson Girl by this guy called Chris. Cherry started saying that she was going to be killed because her mother wanted her home by seven, which she failed to tell us. Why do people have such shit organising skills? It turns out the next bus to Brynaman was quarter past eight, which is slightly ironic as that's the same time that I wanted to catch the bus this morning! When we got home, Lady Hammett told me that she's busy on the weekend of the seventeenth of March so I have to wait to see I Love You Phillip Morris, which I'm really upset about but understand. Plus, it turns out that Jeffree Star and BrokeNCYDE are coming to Sin City, so I'm hoping I can go to that! I fell asleep at around half nine, and went to bed at around eleven.

I have my Welsh oral exam tomorrow and I haven't revised at all. I've prioritised my ten hour Art exam which is this Tuesday and Friday. This I am not happy about. Another thing I'm not happy about is that I woke up at nine this morning, but only got out of bed at noon. Then this blog post took an hour to write, so that's four hours that could've been spent on Art gone. Stressed? Of course, but I'm not going to act like Squidward about it...

Ewan McGregor Causes Teen Jizz! xD

So today I went to Swansea with Sam Mitchell and we went to the cinema and saw Youth In Revolt, which stared Michael Cera as his usual self. I wore my sexy new Nike shoes. Then, on our way to the bus (which we didn't catch because it was full) we saw Lord and Lady Hammett having a stroll in WHSmiths. We collaborated and became the coolest kids in town. That's not what I'm going to rabbit on about though... I have an even bigger fish to fry!

We were sat three rows back from the screen, we had our bags on the floor, I had a bottle of water in my right hand and my right arm was bent at the elbow; I was comfortable. The trailers were loud and a majority of them were fast-paced; I had seen many of them before. Then everything changed.

A silent green screen appeared before me. My favourite colour completely caught my attention and a little buzz hummed in my stomach. (Like when Sims clap at their favourite things, this is my personal reaction, a humming buzz in my tum.) Jim Carrey appeared on the screen, I wasn't as excited as before, but not disappointed either. He's an amazing actor and a hilarious guy, but he doesn't tend to be in the films that you pay around £7 to see in the cinema. The film seemed funny, had a twist. Then, for the first time in my life, I was so sexually frustrated that I had to hold it in and squirm about in my seat. THE Ewan McGregor appeared on the screen. He is just amazing and in this film, he's gay with Jim Carrey. He seems to be overly-sensitive and sweet, a Virgo (just typed that in as 'virgin' and it made me laugh). I need to see this film or I'll die!

I Love You Phillip Morris - Coming Out On Wednesday March Seventeenth.

As my older readers will have read (http://turnipface.blogspot.com/2009/06/homosexual-lust.html), I totally have a thing for gay things and people. This film, entitled I Love You Phillip Morris, is a true story about Steven Jay Russell who, to be fair, is a genius. His IQ is 163, and he is an American con artist and an impostor who has had multiple prison escapes. He met Phillip Morris in prison, and they fell in love. He even had Morris transported to his prison at one point! A book's been published about his life, and he is now serving a 144 year long prison sentence. He's 51 now.

Here's a condensed list of his most epic escapes:

♥ In 1996, while in Harris County Jail (Texas), Russell impersonated a judge and ordered his own bond decreased from $900,000 to $45,000, which he immediately posted. He was arrested 10 days later in Florida and was sent back to Texas.

♥ That same year he started taking art classes provided by the prison. Each time he attended a session, he snatched a green Magic Marker and hid it under his bed. Eventually, he had enough markers to dye his white prison uniform green. Since all the medical professionals in the prison wore green uniforms, Russell simply walked out of the prison disguised as a "doctor."

♥ At the prison library, Russell began reading up on the HIV virus and AIDS. He began taking laxatives to make it seem as if he had the symptoms of AIDS. Russell used a prison typewriter to forge a medical document stating that he suffered from the disease, and used it to convince doctors of his "condition" on February 24. He fooled the prison doctor into believing that a 'special needs parole' to a Houston hospital had been authorized on March 13. While outside and free again, Russell posed as a doctor and informed the prison that Russell had died from AIDS.

♥ When police were alerted of his latest doings, Russell feigned a heart attack and was transported to a hospital. The FBI placed him under guard, but Russell managed to impersonate an FBI agent on his cellular phone and convinced officers guarding him to leave. He walked out of the hospital and the hunt for Russel began all over again.

Oh, and don't worry people - not all of my future posts are going to be videos. I told Sam to be more open on his blog (http://thezealouszebra.blogspot.com/) and to post what he wrote about being depressed. I was going to write a post about my views on depression and self-harm today, but seeing this trailer just made me want to spread the word. That won't be a long blog post by the way, and it won't be a pondering kind of thing either. I know where my views stand and I've developed them over the last four years of my life. So nothing short of a near-death experience will change that! xD

Cat Face (he's got a big cat's face)

I was talking to Ashley on MSN the other night, and he was watching loads of random videos on the internet. He was watching 'Cat Face' and was shocked that I hadn't ever watched them, so he sent me a link to the first one, and then I was addicted. I sent two of my friends, Lady and Lord Hammett, a link to one or two of them, but thought that it would be fun to actually post my favourite of all the eighteen episodes so far up on here. This is a link to the Cat Face playlist on YouTube by the creator, http://www.youtube.com/user/mrweebl#grid/user/2FB19AC500D06A6C. This video is Episode Ten, and it is amazing. However, I must warn you, it is about fecal matter! His accent is simply hilarious! Oh, and in completely unrelated news, with about half an hour of preparation, I scraped an 18/20 on my GCSE English oral, which is pretty darn dandy! xD