My Holiday in Brief.

I've started going camping. I went to a party. I've been drunk a handful of times. I gave up on someone. I fell for a stranger from my past. I was crushed accidentally by said stranger. I've sewed up a hole that I'd simply sellotaped. I've slept in the rain. I went sick down my sleeve. I've weeded in a few fields. I've had to be dressed by other people. I'm a volunteer. I've met a fellow vegetarian who is my exact height. I've finally bought clothes from Jack Wills. I've met a lot of weird and wonderful strangers. I've got myself a social life. I've found inspiration. I've snuck into somebody's house for food. I went a little bit lesbian. I actually scared myself. I saw the campuses for the Cheltenham bases of the University of Gloucestershire. I've written some monologues on Tumblr that I'm happy with. I've cried and not had anyone notice. I've decided against reading the prequel to the Hannibal trilogy. I've slept in the car coming home from England. I've had some dreams that have blown my mind. I've worn my favourite woolly jumper outside the house. That's all that comes to mind, if you want to know anything else, simply ask me at:

http://www.formspring.me/TofuBrown

The Shortest Day Of My Life

(Almost) Every Tuesday and Thursday I come home and spend half an hour to an hour going on and on about my day volunteering. The, let's call them quirky, characters that are regulars in the shop, the weird and wonderful donations we have in, the stories we come up with behind each donation, all the different personalities of all the different volunteers, all the things I tried on and didn't fit... However, I will not bore you with all of those stories.

I've been using my Tumblr blog quite a bit, but that's no to say I won't stay to this one. It's just that that one isn't for every day ramblings, it's for monologues, creative writing and poetic things. The sort of crap that you have going around and around in your head all day, so you just have to let it out. I didn't want to clog up this blog with junk and creative explosions! (Remember, the link's on the side.)

So what am I going to tell you? I'm going to tell you about my acupuncture, next time... Here's a brief snippet about today though: I woke up at 2pm, bathed and had acupuncture at 3pm. The 'spleen and lady problems' points on my shins were so painful the lady (who I though was related to Mr Moses but when I smoothly brought him up there was no recognition at all) had to stop. She said they were tender on a lot of girls, but mine might have been so bad because of my endometriosis. Then she couldn't get them out. I nearly cried. She left and I went to bed at 4.30pm and awoke at 7pm to eat three crumpets, sweet tea (freaking four sugars) and Grandpa. I then went on MSN to make some plans for tomorrow. I'm going to see my friend, who I haven't seen in ten years, play drums in his band. Actually, I then had a semi-jokey-argument with Hammy over the guitarist. I won't go into details, but I was dying from laughter and she was probably wanting to stab me. I've had to put the fan on because I'm dying from over heating. I think I'm generally dying anyway. Which reminds me, my yellow nail varnish has died. Damn cheap thing.

I've also fallen out with my oracle.

My Full On Epiphany

So a few months back, I had what I thought was an epiphany. I have a friend called Jay, and Tess liked him too, then all of a sudden, boom! She didn't want me to have anything to do with him and she kept pulling a face of pure revulsion when he came up in conversation. I thought to myself, well he hasn't done anything to me so why should I care what he's done to anyone else? Yes, that was my epiphany, to not care about what anybody said about my friends, to trust my own experiences with them, to choose my own friends and not have them chosen for me. This seemed to work, or so I thought, but yesterday I received a message on facebook; it was a cross between an apology and an explanation from somebody who I believed to have hated me - we've been at each others necks for a while. That's when it struck me. The main reason I was so 'against' her was simply because that's what I was expected to be. I was expected to hate her, and to be unsympathetic to her, and to not show any doubt in what my actions said about my feelings towards her. This sounds petty, but I can say without a doubt that this was the case with her too. My epiphany a few weeks ago was good, but it wasn't a full on epiphany. This was. This was the next step, building on what I'd thought a few weeks ago. I read this facebook message and thought to myself, why should I conform to anybody's expectations of how I act and who I like? It was so subconscious that I'd had no idea it had been happening, and I'm not ashamed either, in fact I'm proud that I can see that now. By discovering this, I can now confront it and try to be the best person I possibly can be.

A Good Start To A Long Holiday

Wednesday June 30, 2010 I went down to Carmarthen to see Tess' and Hannah's flat and to generally spend the day with my sister. I took her to the music shop to see the accordion that I've had my eye on. She always seems interested in my weird phases, or at least when she's alone with me. She's a sister then, not a wannabe mom. She (unlike Mr. 'I-Can't-Do-That-Because-I'll-Look-Like-A-Freak-Even-Though-I-Know-You-Are-And-I-Still-Go-Out-With-You-For-Some-Unforeseeable-Reason', whose name says it all!) asked the man working tehre about the accordions because I was too shy in case they weren't even accordions, and I shall tell you all that he told us: The £120 that I've been looking at for a few weeks MIGHT be leaky, and would cost £150 to completely restore, but once restored, it could be sold for £1000. The accordion that Tess liked is a standard and cost £360, he then worked out that if you rented that accordion for four months, it would only cost you £90, which is just over £20 a month. Interesting, huh? I thought so anyway.

NEXT. Thursday July 1, 2010, I went to The Red Cross in Llandeilo had a 'poster' on their door (pictured) which I took an interest in. I really like charity shops, mainly because you end up with things that not everybody has and sometimes look vintage but also because of the whole 'Green Thing' that I rock so well with being a regular public transport user and a vegetarian, but I'd never thought of volunteering, mainly because you could be working in the hours your giving to charity for money, and I know that could quite easily sound awful, but you do have to make money to get on in life, to not live in poverty. Yes, I'll be the first to admit that the Certificate in Retail is what made me go in about it. So anyway, I went in on Thursday July 1, 2010 and spoke to Amanda, the shop manager. She took me to the back room and I sat on a foot stool whilst she sat on the floor and talked through some forms with me. Then came the exciting part, the showing me around bit. Here're the interesting highlights: They aren't allowed to use normal bags, they have to pay £20 for a small roll of special purple bags from the council, so by giving them junk, you're costing them money. They haven't got the facilities to wash or iron clothes, so if something's dirty, it has to be sent away to a Soviet country, like Russia. They have a steamer, which they use on everything before it goes out, meaning that sometimes things that look clean have to be sent away too. They have a special tag gun to put the tags on things, and it's really cool. They have to go through bags of donations at waist height because you're not meant to bend, and there're two different areas - one for donations and one for unacceptable items. There are some weird people that not only send filthy clothes, but send in broken glass and china, and just leave the bags outside the shop in bin liners. The till is computerised (not like the typewriter kind that I always lusted for...) and sometimes crashes. There is actually a system, so for example, if someone bought a book, you'd press 'Books Fiction' and scan. It's a touch screen unfortunately. They have a price chart, which tells you (on a scale of £ to £££££) how much you should price a product from certain lines, such as Next, Primark and Matthew Williamson. I loved all of this, and they liked me so much she offered me five days, but I could only make four. I only have to do twenty hours to get the Certificate (which is sponsored by Tesco) and I start on Monday, I'm doing a 'full day' which is ten til three, with an hours lunch.

FINALLY. I was going to go shopping with Abi on Friday July 2, 2010 but she had to cancel because she had to play violin at Newton House, where there was a sort of Art and Textiles show thing going on. I was upset, because I've had my eyes on this dress at Hobos for months and was getting scared that it wouldn't be there anymore. It's pink with white polka dots, and whilst before I'd never have thought about wearing it, a certain Mr. 'Sunshine Monster' has given me a stupid amount of confidence in such a short amount of time using not as many compliments as you'd imagine. I had to go with Ashley instead. We got to the door at half past ten and discovered it was closed. I saw a green polka dot dress in the window on the mannequin and exclaimed, "If that pink dress doesn't fit, I'm trying that!" We were only there a few seconds more when this weird but lovely dude walked over, tried to open the door, squealed in confusion when it didn't open and then said "That's not how you do business... Are they like, picking up litter or something because they're hobos? It must be something serious..." We parted ways, unfortunately. We went to HMV and I bought Darwin Deez's album at full price, we went back at eleven and it was open. I ran in and picked up the pink dress and saw that it was a size two, I then picked up the green polka dot dress (there were many different colours, but the green was the most striking and therefore the most me) in two sizes, a to and a three. After a seconds thought, I put the size three down with a smug smile on my face. This is rather poignant because it shows once and for all that I have defeated my teenage female body dismorphia.

I tried the pink one on and it looked weird - I didn't have enough boobs to fill it and as the had been tailored to emphasise the boob area, it stuck out at weird angles as opposed to being stretched tight around real ladies curves. I then tried the green one on and I fell in love - the neckline wasn't too low, the shoulders stuck out so much that they were not only quirky, but hiding my freaky deformed shoulder, and it doesn't even need an elasticated belt at the waist it's so flattering! I wondered if I should buy it, and I thought of all the things that Jason has said to me, and with that in mind, I strode over to the till and got out my last £20 note. That's the only important part of that story really. Thank you Jason... x

Then that night, I went to Jess' house party - yes, the one I spoke of in my last post. It was amazing. Started off slow, never went fast, and I'm grateful. As I'm growing older, time doesn't speed past me as much, and I'm fine with that. It was amazing. There were unexpected moments and moments that should have happened about a year ago. I'm not going to tell you about it though, surprise surprise!

A Cry For Change

So I've decided to live life like I want to live it, but this is easier said than done. I want to wear my old man woolly jumpers, I want to have an accordion to stare at when I have a mental block, I want to party and stay over peoples' houses just for the sake of being out. In an ideal world,I'm sat in a park wearing my old man woolly jumper, with my oversized (fake) leather bag and huge Morrissey glasses. I have bright red hair, cheek piercings, amazing Jeffree Star make-up and I have a best-selling novel under my belt and a sketch book full of studies on many quirky pieces in many different mediums - there's a delicate study of a harmonica done in watercolours, there's a Vincent Van Gogh inspired study in done in oil paints, a ridiculously detailed study of an accordion done in pencil... But in reality, I'm just sat on the couch blogging, wearing a charity shop shirt. I have practically black hair with no fringe, no piercings and only mascara on. I can't find the time to write a book and I can't keep my mind on one story line. My sketch book has two crap pictures in that I want to burn because not only do I have no inspiration, but I have no skills either.You may be wondering what's brought this up now, hasn't it always been like this? Well the answer is yes it has been like this, but I'm sixteen and still go around places with my parents. I've been invited to a house party by someone I use to hang around with, then briefly lost touch with. The important detail here is that we never fell out. Mother said that she's tried to keep me from the Ammanford people, but the truth is that she's tried to keep me from the Carmarthen people, Brynaman people and Drama people. Well, I was stopped from going to Drama in its entirety because it was 'turning me into an asshole' but the way I see it, I was making me happy - me being an asshole is obviously me being happy. I want to go to this party badly. I want to hang out with these people, I want to share these people's experiences, I want to be able to be part of the stories that people remember.Mother says she's concerned because I'm never at the parties that people post pictures on on facebook, but when I off-handedly mentioned this party, she responded with "You know I don't like you hanging around with those people..." I believe the term used here would be double standards. I mean, I thought you were meant to grow apart from your parents, you're life shouldn't be constantly entwined with your parents. I'm pretty sure that that was in the Bible somewhere. Apparently, I was wrong. I have my mother as a friend on facebook, she reads this blog (which makes it harder to write) and she talks to Ashley a lot. Tess says that she and others think that it's not long until I rebel, and to be honest I do sometimes feel like freaking out and leaving, but that wouldn't achieve anything. I have to go to school, and they give me money to do so, and as my last post indicates, I'm seriously not independent. My parents and even my grandpa are involved in practically every element of my life - where I go, what I do, who I talk to, etc - and I can't change that or they would hit the roof. I remember the days of hope when I'd stare at sixth formers or the elders in Carmarthen and think, "When I'm sixteen..." I don't want to sound ungrateful, but it's felt like the equivalent to thinking "When tomorrow comes..." and tomorrow just turns out to be the same as today. There was no point in me turning sixteen. Hell, there'll probably be no point in me turning eighteen or fifty-nine, but I seriously wish there was. I've turned into Rob Fleming (from High Fidelity) already. I'm bitter, I'm resentful, I'm jaded, and more importantly, I'm too young to be any of these things. The quote "If you really wanted to screw me up, you should've gotten to me earlier" seems to apply for almost everything and everyone I meet now. It's not right. I'm not right. Nothing is right. It would be such a breakthrough in my life if I could go to this party. My parents keep on saying "You're turning into Tess... don't make us throw you out!" I'm sorry, but Tess was expelled from school, smokes and takes drugs, had the reputation of a whore, had sex with someone when she was allowed to go to a party at the age of fourteen, continued to have under-age sex and then boasted about it to me, has multiple naked photos going around the whole of Carmarthenshire, got kicked out of the college that is renowned for being full of drop-outs, is a lesbian, has no job or any intention of working and lives of her girlfriend. Yeah, I see what you mean, I am totally turning in to Tess because I happen to have a bad attitude. I so deserve to be kicked out the house with my bad attitude that absolutely every single teenager has. That's fair. That's completely fair. I suppose if I was kicked out of the house, I could write another rant to the newspaper... I seriously want to be like all the other sixteen year olds, I guess why I feel it so important to start now, a mere eight months after my sixteenth birthday. It's not much to ask. This holiday, I want to do at least two things a week. I want to have life experience, stories to tell, a chance to mature on my own, without any help or prompting. So far all I have planned is meeting up with Tess and shopping with Abi.

Jumping From One Blog To Another...

So I am about to embark on the worst week of my life - tomorrow I have a Business exam and a Math exam, the next day I have an English exam, then I have two History exams followed by an English exam and on the last day, a Math exam. It's mainly the day of History I'm dreading, and the fatigue that I know I'm going to be suffering from even more so... However, this past week has been great. I met up with my sister, an old friend/ex I haven't seen for ages and a bunch of her delinquent drug taking friends who are actually really nice; I also dragged Abi along even though I knew she wouldn't like them, she promised that she'd try but nevermind. Of course, there was the whole thing of meeting me good ol' mate, Tim Minchin (pahaha) and of meeting up with William, Cerian, Shaun and Henry, as it turns out, to sell the harmonica. These were all very good days for me, but none beat yesterday night.

I was in one hell of a mood. I'd woken up in extreme pain, mainly in my spine, and my throat was bad too. Ashley was coming over, and although I wanted to cancel badly, I couldn't since I hadn't seen him since Tuesday morning and even then I hardly spoke to him. (The thought of society and their values has been depressing me lately, and he's had to suffer.) Mother had to find my machine for me, and we watched lots of Tv. I occasionally checked my facebook and formspring (like a real junkie does), and I had a message on the latter asking if I held grudges, and in my reply, I said "I like to get back with people I might've lost accidentally, there's one especially, but I won't push it." I wanted someone in particular to see, but I was scared of being ridiculed. Then, moments later, I received a text from this particular person. It simply said, "Hello?" I replied with the biggest smile on my face, but I was also anxious, anxious that this was a set up or was about to implode into a huge argument. I then got a phone call, and I looked at Ashley on the couch before screaming "I NEED TO TAKE THIS CALL!" and sprinting up the stairs.

This particular person's name? Matthew. Why was this call so important? Because we haven't spoken since August 21st and up until that point, he'd been my best friend, in fact, it was more than that... What happened? It's a long story that I'm not telling for the 100th time because that would be a bitch to programme! (pahaha! Sorry if you don't get it...)

Yes. Matthew came back to me. Just like Jarvis Cocker's song 'Baby's Coming Back To Me' (that's a link). Ages ago, Mother said that Katy Perry's song 'Thinking of You' made her think of me and Matthew, but that just meant that I couldn't listen to it for nine months... I could've had a baby in the time that we weren't in touch. It could've been known as Heartbreak Kid! *story idea* But yes... he phoned and I answered, and I broke down and asked if it was some kind of cruel joke. I mean, I knew a few things about what was going on in his life because my friend happens to be pretty good at being an investigator. I never thought we'd get back in touch though. Once off the phone, I spent the night texting him whilst being sat next to Ashley. Mother said it was rude but I didn't care. That night, I read over the texts from the event of August 21st 2009, and I came across one from Carys reading: "You've lost Joe, you've lost Matt, now you've lost me." As it turns out, I only lost her, and dude, I can so totally live with that. No problem.

The Day of Being Christian

Ashmlee Willie Winkie and I were going to go to Carmarthen last week, so we caught a bus to Ammanford at around midday (the bus driver drove off when I was walking down the aisle and I actually did fall flat on my butt) and then we had to wait two hours to catch a bus to Carmarthen, we bummed around for about an hour and a half before deciding that it was pointless going since we wouldn't have much time to do anything anyway, so I phoned GrandPapi to pick us up. He was nasty to me at the start but when he realised that it was I, Tofu, he came straight away. He'd obviously thought that I was my sister (long story, and even if you've already heard it, there's now more). I put on an old CD that my sister and I made, that was the soundtrack to our lives two years ago, and although I've outgrown it, I still like it. Nikki FM by Hawthorne Heights came on, which has very a suicidal line, and when GrandPapi got in the car, he brought an old man that I'd never even seen before and turned up the volume. I could've died in awkwardness and Ashmlee Willie Winkie was laughing at me being embarrassed. Upon returning home, we watched loads of cartoons that we grew up to (I.M. Weasel, Spongebob Squarepants, Sylvester and Tweety, etc...), Doctor Who, Britain's Got Talent, I'm In A Rock 'n Roll Band and then A Bit of Fry And Laurie. We fell asleep and decided that we'd go to Carmarthen next Saturday.

Yesterday, we didn't make exactly the same mistake as last week. (I made a new mistake however because I judged the day's temperature on the temperature at half past seven, so by throwing on my wooly gray cardigan over my Used vest top, I was boiling hot later on in the day.) We woke up at around seven, and Ashmlee Willie Winkie caught the bus from his stop and ten minutes later I got on it at my stop. This time I didn't fall. Mother asked why we decided to get up at such an ungodly hour, to which I replied "For a laugh." We got off at Ammanford and had to wait one and a half hours for the bus to Carmarthen, but at least this time we would have plenty of enough time to have fun there. The only places in Ammanford that were open were the bakers (Jenkins on the left and Greggs opposite it on the right), Specsavers and Tesco. It was so early that only old people were awake and everyone looked at us as if we were Christians. We stuffed our faces and played in the park before jumping on the bus that was full of old people. Half way through the bus journey, I did my dislocating thumb trick to counter Ashmlee Willie Winkie's more disgusting dislocating thumb trick, and the nice guy behind us (that Ashmlee Willie Winkie had given the time to earlier) said, "I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't be looking or anything, but that's weird." I was so embarrassed and said, whilst bright red, "Well at least I didn't do the one where my foot is the same level as my head..." I remained red for the rest of the bus journey. Nothing much happened in Carmarthen. I popped in about ten clothes shops looking for a reasonably priced shirt to put over my vest top and I could only find one that was anywhere near my price range, but they only had sizes sixteen, eighteen and twenty, not the size eight that I am or the six ten that I like in shirts. We met up with my sister for a bit and then got a bus back to Llandeilo to walk down to Ashmlee Willie Winkie's house so he could pick up his copy of Fantastic Mr. Fox because I really wanted to watch it (especially since Jarvis Cocker has a song and a minor character called Petey in it). I loved it. There was a digital copy, a DVD and a Blu-Ray version of it in one box, so thanks to the digital copy, I now have it on my iPod. I never thought it would be so funny, and it's only one hour twenty minutes. We could've watched it in the time that we spent in Ammanford waiting for the bus to Carmarthen and still had ten minutes to spare! We then watched my Saturday night programmes (Doctor Who, Britain's Got Talent, I'm In A Rock 'n Roll Band) before going to bed. He went to bed on top of my bed in the sleeping bag that we bought him last year and I went to bed in my parent's stupidly comfortable bed. Pa told me to not sleep on his side because I have 'disgusting sleeping habits', so I didn't, although I still managed to make a dribble lake on his pillow which wasn't intentional! Oops.

Oh, and quickly to add, I've been talking to 'Mr. Shit, I Haven't Got A New Name For Him Yet And The Old One's Inappropriate' about my latest Cameron and Clegg Fantasy, and nearly died of laughing when I typed the following on his wall. I just thought I'd share it with you because I nearly died of laughter!

He glares over at Nick, and instantly all of the unfinished paper work and the state of the economy meant nothing to him. He just wanted to cradle Nick and take away his hurt pride. Nick shook his head and left leaving David alone with his thoughts and his HARD ON!

♥

the Thing, the Allergy, the Spider, the Channel.

So I survived Lady Hammett's Aunti's house 'thing' and I might've exaggerated everything in my head due to fear. In the end, I wore my balloony purple top over a black long sleeve and black skinnies. Since my hair is black now, just the tiniest bit of black clothing makes it look like you're wearing all black, so I tied a floral scarf in my hair and put on silvery eye shadow (with black liquid near the mascara-coated lashes of course), and and my coral nail varnish! It makes me happy to look at, I need to buy more bright colours. I stayed over Lady Hammett's house, and then got picked up by GrandPapi. (It was actually really funny, as my phone started going and I looked at Lady Hammett and said, "It'll be my grandad going [impression of GrandPapi] I'M OUTSIDE!" and then, when I answered the phone, all you could hear was GrandPapi going "I'M OUTSIDE!" to which we laughed.) I got in the car, smirked at the old man and put Johnny Cash on. The song in question: One Piece At A Time.

We went to Gegin Fach (a tiny cafe in Llandeilo that's usually full of OAPs where I'm hopefully going to get a Summer job), met Mother and had food. Then, instead of walking down to Ashmlee Willie Winkie's as planned, we drove down and picked him up to take him with us to Leekes. He wasn't home, he was in Ben's, but walked over just before I lazily made my way over. We had a chocolate muffin each, and a hot chocolate with cream each, then we left. I had fun at home playing with his face and showing Mother the outcomes. We napped, went downstairs, Mother made him food (pasta with sauce) and made me a snack (Pringles to dip in the same sauce but in a pot), and we settled on the couch watching freak programmes. Programmes such as 101 Things Removed From The Human Body, Another 101 Things Removed From The Human Body, Surgical Appliances That Were Left Behind, and something to do with amazing medical stories. He slept on the couch again, and was gone by the next morning. I read fifty pages of Silas Marner the next day and it nearly killed me. I then started itching my arm again, therefore leading us to believe that Ashmlee Willie Winkie is my allergy. It only happens on Sundays, after I've seen him on Saturday.

Today, the first official day of the holiday, and I woke up a few times before finally getting out of bed at 14:26 to a sleeping house. I woke the house up (turned all the lights on and let the dogs out). Last night, not only did I have an itch, I also had a splitting headache that caused me to lose my peripheral vision when I stood up and forced me to wear sunglasses that look like they were from the sixties since the lights in the room (which was only candlelight) hurt me. The rents found it pretty funny anyway. I blame the fact that I read a whole fifty pages of Silas Marner! I'm better now though. Anywho, Mary started crying and I took her out the back. I closed the door and then saw a hideous, fat, petrifying spider and shrieked. Santi ran in and toyed with it for about two minutes, at one point sitting on it and trying to go under the mat because he thought it was under there. When he found it under his fat arse, he picked it up with his paw and ate it. He's a very smart cat indeed. I then fetched him some food to help it go down because I was actually scared that it would come up and attack me. I can't kill living things myself, and I have often let spiders live in the house against the rents will, but when it's as scary as this one was then I must let Santi intervene. It is just like a treat after all..? He's not a murderer, he's a saviour! MY KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR! xD

I almost jizzed when We Are Scientists came on television (NME of course) with their new song 'Rules' and oh sweet Jesus, I love Keith and his voice! I turned it up louder than I normally would with sleeping rents, but they deserve to be played loud! Once that finished, I pressed [channel down] and HOLY CRAP! The Academy Is... were just on television! There's an amazing new channel called Lava (underneath NME Tv, Sky 378) and I literally love every song on it. It has bands that I never thought I'd see on the television, just on the internet. Like Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, The Academy Is... and The Wombats. They also show really old videos, like The Automatic and Paramore's first videos. Plus, at night they have unsigned bands, which is an amazing way of finding new pocket bands to say you've been there since the start with. I now have five channels, although only four really since Scuzz isn't my thing anymore though. I still have MTV2, Kerrang! (just about), NME Tv, and now Lava!

Back In Form.

I know that people are now aware of this blog, and I honestly don't mind. This is just me trying to let off steam, put things into perspective and be happier in the knowledge that I'm not being a secretive moose. Anyway, Meh knows and in some ways I don't actually mind because I didn't really hide it, and whilst I could only ever patronize him, I was getting better on the talking front. However, I noticed how I've actually gone back to how I use to be mentally: unstable, intolerant and closed. My hair is back black too. I wear colours now though, and I don't like feminine guys much (which reminds me of my shocking revelation).

Today was the school's Eisteddfod, which is all in Welsh. None of the lessons ran properly, and first lesson I had Welsh. I'd made up a plan on the spot when I arrived and saw no Meh, I quickly went to a computer room before he could appear and did a task for Business that I hadn't done before. Lunch time went with no qualms, apart from me panicking over outfits to wear to this 'thing' tomorrow (which I'll explain later on), and then only myself and one other person turned up to Art. So we went down to the hall to watch some of the Eisteddfod. First was a Welsh rendition of Queen's 'Somebody To Love' which has to be one of the most awful things I've ever heard, and then there was a Welsh rendition of James Morrisson's 'Broken Strings' which was actually really good considering it was in Welsh. Mind you, it was fronted by one of the prettiest, loveliest, most talented girls in my year, so that was no surprise. Then there was some crap 'ceremony' thing that made no sense to me but went on until forever, or at least that's what it felt like. Then there were the disco dancing groups. The first in green were okay, but the dancing wasn't amazing and it wasn't funny, so it didn't bode well. The second group came out in blue (which was my 'team') were entertaining and did well. Nothing could prepare me for the final group though. Basically, the guys stole the show in the way that all guys can. Girls just don't know how to be funny. Bless, they completely stole the show. Four of the guys in their vests (and I never thought I'd be girly about guys with muscles, but I literally died - in a good way), one in a bright yellow tutu. He's in my Business class, so I knew he was really funny, but I never thought I'd actually laugh out loud at him on a stage. Meh was in that group, but that wasn't why I watched it and I really resented the thought that that was why I was there.

I then stayed afterwards to watch some of the music soloists. My 'bus buddy' first, my old friend second, Lady Hammett third, Chin fourth. Then I left. I would've waited for Squidward, but I didn't know how long that would be. I had to walk past Meh to leave the room, and I think I nearly broke my neck. The floor was like a magnet and I clenched my eyes shut. It was horrible, I felt so small and puny. Oh well... Turns out Squidward won, which is epic since all we hear about is Lady Hammett and my 'bus buddy' winning things, but Squidward isn't as competitive so it's less rare news. Lady Hammett understood when I explained to her. This is one of the few times where I could actually say it better than I wrote it down. Talking about music, I have rediscovered my love for Emilie Autumn (her album is top priority for me to get now, sorry Ellie Goulding!) and Elly has introduced me to Joanna Newman, who is seriously amazing in a weird way. Emilie Autumn is quickly becoming my new obsession. She went to a music school, and they told her to keep her personality off the stage as she was only an outlet for the music, she tried to kill herself a few times and has bi-polar, eventually ending up in a mental asylum. She's written a book called 'The Asylum For Wayward Victorian Girls' and records poems and releases them as a part of her albums. I've included a short video of hers below and it's like the only video of that topic. She's not like these feminists who rant and rave about men all the time.

The 'thing' that Lady Hammett has brought upon me is that of a family event that I'm still not sure of. I had a brief run down on the family members that would be there; the depressing vegetarian and her know-it-all second husband, the kooky old lady and her deaf husband, the posh host who doesn't need to work and has two houses and her husband (who I've forgotten all about other than he must have a good job), the drop-out cousin and chav cousin with the boring job who I can't remember if their going or not, the cousin with the babies. Anyway... I don't know what to wear. I've been warned not to say anything weird or wear too much black. I don't want to over-dress or under-dress, I have a really nice posh dress but it's black, and Lady Hammett assured me that it wasn't 'that' kind of 'thing'. To say the least, I'm petrified and the worst part is that it's tomorrow.

I've also decided that in sixth form I shall say what I want, wear what I want and do what I want. I'm fed up of this fake façade, living life trying to be normal and then relaxing on her. In sixth form, I won't hide things and I won't be defeated by someone as perfect as Meh. I'll be like a sphynx - weird, extreme and naked (metaphorically or course). Oh, and by the way, I totally can't believe that it was snowing on the last day of March. Spontaneous weather - I like you. You can stay.

Why Can't I Work Around You?

I know that I don't usually write two blog posts this close together, because it makes it less likely for the person to read the previous one (plus I just un-subscribed to somebody because they blogged every day and clogged up my reading list). However, I need to relieve myself from this anger, embarrassment and depression, so I'm going to blog it out.

Last night I spoke to Meh on facebook chat for ages. I thought this would prepare me, although saying that, it did take me an hour to build up enough confidence to even type 'Hello..?' to him. The conversation left me really happy, like when I sit next to him in class. I spoke to Smooth briefly and one of the two people that read this blog 'might have said something' to him, which is embarrassing. Last lesson and I have to sit next to him, but I can't choose a seat and he's making me choose, so I self-conbust and turn bright red. He chooses a seat, eventually. Then we just sit there, and we don't say anything, but when he does I laugh and giggle and feel like crying. Thankfully I don't, but I nearly did on the bus. He looks at me and I try to do my serious face but I nearly wet myself in excitement when he looks at me. Seriously, he's lovely. I wanted to talk, but I couldn't without looking like an idiot. I think Miss realised what was going on, as she kept on looking and I think she tried to save me. It's a shame that nothing can save me. Not only does he make me feel stupid, he makes me feel ugly and insignificant. I know I'm not, but I morph when I'm around him. (Lord Hammett, remember how I was with Digby? Yeah, well this is FAR worse!) It's not on. Chapstick kept on swivelling in her chair and talking to him in ease, I was so jealous. She's so pretty. Urgh. I wish I could be that effortless. Hell, I wish he would like me. I spoke to Sailor on the bus and he told me that Meh had been telling him about it. He assured me that he wasn't being mean, he was laughing. This was upsetting in a way, I'm not a joke. I hope Thursday goes better, because I hate my on personal counselling. This can't go too far, like it did with Stoner. I hate hating myself, so why does everyone put me through it?

Oh, and Lady Hammett - I missed you today. x

The Ten Hour Exam

The ten hour Art exam, sounds horrible right? It's probably the word exam that makes it sound so horrible - but when you're sat in a class full of clowns who won't shut up and are really entertaining, on top of someone making a random, dodgy-looking instrument behind you, you realise that this is nothing like it's meant to be and in no way does it need to be dreaded as much as you dreaded it moments before this realisation... (It looks like a long post, but it seriously shouldn't take too long.)

Part One - Tuesday March Ninth, Twenty-Ten.

I woke up earlier than usual to try to ensure a decent mood throughout the day. Since I'd be doing Art for the whole entire school day, I tied my hair up. This is me being practical, but it made me self-conscience about my raggedy ears. They were really cold and unhappy, they don't like being looked at. Anyway, on the bus I listened to my Jarvis playlist, which I had stuck in my head for the whole entire day (not that I'm complaining), and I didn't talk to Bitch Mouth because I told him not to talk to me this week due to stress and annoyance. I warned everyone not to mention the hair, but Lady Hammett did, which vexed me somewhat. She and I then went off to the ladies' lavatory to put my TNS machine on. I then made a quick appearance in form before zooming up to the ceramics room. I felt really sick at this point. Miss pointed at a seat, and I sat in the one opposite it because I like to see what everyone else is doing. Gopher sat in front of me, which was nice, but would've been nicer if I still fancied the pants off him (although he does have one of the prettiest smiles in the planet), Whore was next to me and Mr Sex Change was diagonal to me. I didn't mind this until half way through the fifth hour... Gopher and I picked up our stretched A2 paper and got our gouache out, I popped over to the sink to ensure that I had my two favourite paintbrushes, and I grabbed a paint lid (oh sorry, pallet) and a transparent plastic cup. I organized everything neatly and systematically - right angles staring up at me because I really can be THAT anal. Smooth wasn't there, he was in hospital.

It took me less than half an hour to draw the picture of Floss, the same picture that I posted in this blog before but bigger, and when I realised how quickly I'd done it, all the feeling of sickness subsided, I was going to be fine. I started painting the brown bits first, which brought me up to break time, then I painted all of the greys and background in the second hour, and did the second coat of those colours in the third hour. I had lunch, where Ashmlee Willie Winkie gave me a huge Aero bar (that I paid for) and he fetched me some milk (which I also paid for), and I saw Lady Hammett, Skank, Squidward and Kiwee for half a second. Ashmlee Willie Winkie and I walked around the school and sat down for a bit, it was sweet. I then made a second appearance in form and zoomed up to the ceramics room for my fourth and fifth hour. For the first of the two hours, I painted the black part. Then in the final hour of the first day, I painted a second coat on her. During this, I leant over the table facing Mr Sex Change. I was getting peeved because my tie kept touching the paint, so Mr Sex Change told me to take it off, which I did because it made a lot of sense. It was ten minutes until I realised that my boobs were practically out, and I was ever so embarrassed! I wanted to cry and run out of the exam... The thought of him seeing them repulsed me, and still does. I cleaned away, and then realised that I'd forgotten to paint a square inch maximum in the corner. I zoomed to the sink to soak my paintbrush, stole some of Mr Sex Change's gouache and painted it. I was really upset when I realised that I must've leant on her nose with black on my wrist, so there was a black smudge on her white nose. We all walked around then, perving on each other's work.

That was the end of the first day, and then I went Mother's Day shopping.

Part Two - Friday March Twelfth, Twenty-Ten.

Again, I woke up earlier and actually got out of bed at quarter past eight, as opposed to the usual twenty-five past eight. I did my face and tied my hair up (again) then caught the bus, listening to a mixture of Elliot Minor songs and The Smiths. I couldn't really be bothered to talk, so I walked Lady Hammett and Dorian to the music room and then zoomed to form. I went up to Art and was pretty chuffed when Smooth sat next to Gopher and diagonal to me. He was so entertaining, he spent most of the time glancing around the room for something more entertaining to distract him. Fair play though, his drawing was really good, even though it took him four hours to draw.

It again took me around half an hour to draw Santi with clouds in the background, then I painted the sky blue. Thankfully, it only needed one coat because it was so thick. I then painted the brown part of Santi. I stole Gopher's bright lime gouache and painted Santi's eyes. Then there was a break, where Lady Hammett, Ginger and I spoke about Smooth for about ten minutes. Meh walked past and I just remembered the whole Welsh thing. (I spoke to my teacher about it, and she said "I don't expect you to start dating or anything!" to which I gave myself away by turning my own special shade of crimson.) I then went back to Art and painted the grey parts of the clouds. I did the second coat of all of the colours, and then started on the first coat of black on him. Dinner time, everyone was in a weird mood (or it might've been me..?) so Ashmlee Willie Winkie and I sat in 'the cave', listening to his iPod whilst I scribbled some notes in my prep work in case my teacher collected the work in, which she didn't. When I got back to Art, I did the second coat of black and then tried to sort his eyes out. I did the same green as my Grandparents' upstairs bathroom for the majority of his eyes, and a mustard coloured line around his pupils. I then did the white dots that give the pictures life and added a darker tone of brown to the original ones, just to improve it. With an hour to spare, I fixed Floss' nose by painting it white and then re-doing Floss' unique brown smudge next to her nose. This cheered me up loads because I plan on keeping the picture forever. I want to hang it up. I am that proud of it!

So that was it. The feeling was bitter sweet to be honest. No more lessons to be missed but no more painful necks. It's all pros and cons I guess... When I got home, I listened to a mixture of The Smiths and We Are Scientists and fell asleep for two hours. When I woke up, I had a microwave pasta meal (as Mother and Testicles had chilli) and then went upstairs to watch some My So-Called Life - I'm on the third disk out of five, and about to start the fourth. I then had a mug of tea with a mini-roll and a brief conversation before buggering off upstairs again to carry on watching Jared Leto in the awesome mid-90s teen drama.

Peace Up, Peace Out!

x

The Week Before HELL.

So Monday night, I'm home alone and therefore obviously on the one and only worthwhile social networking website for my particular age group - go on and try to guess what on Earth I'm talking about! Whilst clicking 'become a fan' of random statements that I agree with or find amusing, I get a phone call from Mother. She's decided we were to be going to the Cotswolds on Tuesday, the day of my mock Welsh oral. Does she know this? Hell no! Did I care? Not in the slightest (Y)

The most gutting part had to be that I pretty got up at the same time as I usually do. I hate when you don't have to go to school, but you get up the same time. It leaves you feeling hollow on the inside, thinking about the lie-in that you should be having as a reward for not going to school. I got up though and put on my skinniest pair (and therefore favourite pair) of black skinnies, my new AMAZING Nike shoes, my New Look 'Rockstar' long jumper, my turquoise American Apparel zip-up, my ancient New Look black jacket thing, a creamy zebra print head band and my favourite Chihuahua necklace from Eden. Whilst walking from the car park to a nomnomnom place, we passed a little wooden shop, so we went in there and bought this wall thing that looks like a house but is actually a key holder. It's cute. We then went to the gallery that we always go to and viewed menus in four different places, the first two had little choice but did offer pea soup so I would've been happy, the third was just in passing and the fourth was somewhere that we normally go, and Pa and I had homity pie (which I usually have in school). We then went browsing in random shops, like Oxfam, Fat Face and a button shop, before heading over to Cirencester cathedral. I sat in there like a vain pig, redoing my head band and eye liner, whilst Pa was in a weird mood and Mother walked around in awe, like she has done the last 1,000,000,000 times we've gone there. I just don't seem to care much for cathedrals or churches or any religious places to be honest. Mother still argues that I'm a Christian because I've been Christened - she refuses to listen when I prove her wrong with what my RE teacher told the class. Seriously though, I couldn't keep my eyes off these English guys! We then zoomed to Cardiff, which we didn't really want to do, but it was getting late and most places would be closed in Swansea by the time we arrived. We went to two Pizza Hut's and in the first, they were really rude, and in the second, they'd run out of dough but were very polite. We then went to Pizza Express, but it was freezing in there so we went to Zizzi's which we love anyway, and we were served by this not-so-bad-on-the-eyes guy called James, who we realised was gay as soon as he opened his mouth. Tsss... Not cool.

Here's a list of things that went on between Wednesday and Friday:

I had to explain my absence in History to Lady Hammett, I was called repulsive by Squidward, I text a group of people asking them if I was just to prove that I'm not, I was prioritised in the hugging department by Digby, I met my new doctor, I had a row from my Welsh teacher for not being in school when I had my mock Welsh oral, I received my report (which had a double Business page and no Physics page), I spoke a few sentences to Smooth without exploding, I lost it to a Virgo, I nearly died in PE, I was called 'Foundation Girl' in referral to Welsh by my friend who's turned really bitter to me about the whole thing and I had a review with the Headmaster. Oh, and yes I know I should call her a Headmistress, but words changing for sexism and racism has gone too far. Isn't it better to treat people the same and not give people different words based on their sex? Feminism can get screwed. Then to top it all off, Lady Hammett stayed over and we watched two episodes of The IT Crowd, one episode of The Mighty Boosh and Blades Of Glory. We went to bed at gone three in the morning.

Saturday morning, we were meant to catch the quarter past eight bus to Swansea, as I had arranged on Wednesday (the same day I was called repulsive), but then on Friday night Cherry text me to tell me that the Brynaman bus would arrive in Ammanford at twenty past eight and that she 'hadn't had time' to check the times. (It took me about three minutes to check all of the bus times on the internet in my Business lesson.) This seriously annoyed me, so we had to bum around Ammanford until ten to nine, which really wasn't cool. We then zoomed to Swansea, zoomed over to Vue, waited for it to open and then went in and bought our tickets. Lady Hammett bought a large popcorn for the two of us and told me I didn't have to pay her, but she only ate like, three handfuls. I ate it all basically! Ashmlee Willie Winkie was there, so I saw him for a bit, then we went straight in and watched the film, which I can't be arsed to review (because I like to review things properly and in depth). However, I will tell you that my favourite character is now the March Hare, and my ultimate favourite part of the film simply had to be: [booming Scottish accent] YOU'RE ALL LATE FOR TEA! I'm not even joking, I nearly wet my pants. Seriously, I love him! After that, we strolled around Swansea, visiting the Blue Banana, Claire's, Top Shop, the special pasty place (Cherry rated her pasty an eight, Lady Hammett rated her pasty a nine and I rated my pasty a ten), Derrik's Music, Hobo's and Eden. We then went to the Mad Cow (Lady Hammett had a Nutella milkshake whilst Cherry and I had Kinder Bueno milkshakes) and then met up with Cherry's friends Shaun (Crumple) and Amy. They're lovely! Even if Crumple is obsessed with someone that seriously hurt me without giving it any though, y'know Fag from a few posts ago? Yeah, well him. Amy was lovely and crazy, which is grand. Lady Hammett went quiet, but that's here prerogative so..? We saw Ashmlee Willie Winkie again, which was grand! We went to the Blue Banana twice more because Crumple is obsessed, but to make up, he bought us Subway cookies, so it's all cocaine baby! On the bus, Amy went sick (poor thing), I took loads of pictures of Lady Hammett doing hideous faces and Midget REALLY annoyed us. Oh, and for reasons I can't be bothered to explain, I was being called Simpson Girl by this guy called Chris. Cherry started saying that she was going to be killed because her mother wanted her home by seven, which she failed to tell us. Why do people have such shit organising skills? It turns out the next bus to Brynaman was quarter past eight, which is slightly ironic as that's the same time that I wanted to catch the bus this morning! When we got home, Lady Hammett told me that she's busy on the weekend of the seventeenth of March so I have to wait to see I Love You Phillip Morris, which I'm really upset about but understand. Plus, it turns out that Jeffree Star and BrokeNCYDE are coming to Sin City, so I'm hoping I can go to that! I fell asleep at around half nine, and went to bed at around eleven.

I have my Welsh oral exam tomorrow and I haven't revised at all. I've prioritised my ten hour Art exam which is this Tuesday and Friday. This I am not happy about. Another thing I'm not happy about is that I woke up at nine this morning, but only got out of bed at noon. Then this blog post took an hour to write, so that's four hours that could've been spent on Art gone. Stressed? Of course, but I'm not going to act like Squidward about it...

The Day I Walked Four Miles

Next Saturday, I'm going to the cinema with Cerian, Kate (her 'plus one') and Abi (my 'plus one') to see Tim Burton's 'Alice In Wonderland' (since Cerian and I have been waiting with much excitement to see it since rumours of the project were first announced). After that, I have to go up to the Rugby Club with Mother for BitchMouth's older brother's eighteenth birthday bash. He's doing A Level English and Mother tutors him because he's atrocious! We'll only be going for an hour because we aren't the kind of people to go to those places. Therefore, I went up to Ffairfach to see Ashmlee Willie Winkie this Saturday, so he wouldn't be too disappointed in not seeing me when I'm in Swansea.

I didn't make a special effort to wake up early, so I got out of bed at 13.30 and got to Ashmlee Willie Winkie's house in Ffairfach by 15.00 after I'd bathed and made myself decent. First we stood around in his house awkwardly, then we walked up to the gallery in Llandeilo. I was told that my work resembled some artist called Esther something, so I made the special effort to go up to check her out. I've never been so insulted! She paints £300 smudges that aren't even recognisable half the time. My paintings don't look like smudges! (I've included my favourite animal one to prove my point!) Then we strolled to CK's and the Co-operative (both circled in turquoise on the map). I bought a large packet of plain Aero and one of those little milk bottles (semi-skimmed of course), whilst Ashmlee Willie Winkie bought a large packet of mint Aero, a can of Coke and a packet of crisps. We ate all of this pretty quickly. Then I had the great idea of having an adventure and walking up to the bandstand (which is circled in yellow on the map). We instead chose to go down a wooded area where a deer cull is currently being undergone, there was a faint path but it was so slippery and muddy that it was more hazardous than helpful. Then we ended up at an abandoned church and graveyard. Seriously, some of the people there were from the 1800s! They had cool names too, so I took a picture of around three and plan to use them for inspiration. We then strolled through the fields, seeing an adorable lamb on the way. I loved it anyway, but when it got up and limped up to us with a broken leg my heart could've exploded. Then it limped off. I don't know the RSPCA number, but last time I phoned them they said they couldn't do anything about the bird with it's wing hanging off. Arseholes. Anyway, we walked through around three fields and then I saw Dinefwr Castle. New adventure, duh! We trekked up there, our legs breaking in half, and then explored every inch of the castle possible. The steps up to some of the towery bits were so steep that they actually touched the back of my knee (which is around 18inches). I've pulled my right thigh in the process! Then as it was getting dark, we left. At one point, I skidded and landed face first into Ashmlee Willie Winkie. I started talking about how old the castle must be, and I was rather impressed when he remembered the phrase 'motte and bailey castle'. When we were in the fields, the moon was full and the clouds were strolling past it. I joked that these were the kind of scenes where the werewolves come streaming out of the forest and eat their victims. It was really dark when we finally got out of the fields.I know it's awful, but I'm a little bit scared of people with mental problems, you never know what they're thinking and they're revolting. (We all have faults, right?) You can imagine my horror when one came over to Ashmlee Willie Winkie and myself asking if we'd seen a dachshund. She made me think of one of the infected people in 28 Days Later, which sort of freaked me out! We passed a sign saying 'Bogwood Boardwalk' which tickled us, and then when we reached the main road, we went to Spar for Ashmlee Willie Winkie to buy a drink. We then popped on a bus and zoomed to my house.

When home, I tied his hair up and then abused him a bit. Then we ate pizza and watched Underworld: Rise Of The Lycans with my parents. I loved it! Michael Sheen has always teetered on my 'weird man crush' list, but now he's properly included as one of the mains! Oof! NOMNOMNOM! Ashmlee Willie Winkie and I went upstairs and made out for a bit whilst listening to my 'Jarvis' playlist (which is a mix of his solo stuff and Pulp). I kept giggling at how inappropriate some of the lyrics were. After that, Pa took him home and then the Brownies sat and watched Underworld and Underworld: Evolution. This took us up to about 05.00, so I went up to bed and read some of Red Dragon by Thomas Harris before eventually falling asleep. I also text my lovely Lady Hammett for a bit. After writing this, I printed out the map with our snail trail on and with a piece of string, measured how far we walked. The results were 22, 500 feet which is 4 miles or 7 kilometres, whatever floats your boat. No wonder my leg is still killing me!

My Pitiful Calamity...

Hey everyone, allow me to introduce you to the working of my body clock:

Bed at 4am. Awake at 9.45am. Bed at 11am. Awake at 5.30pm. Still tired.

I had to go to the dentist AGAIN today, which wasn't really cool, but I talk to Dr. Rai now because after being seen by Dr. Patel, I can see that I could have a far worse dentist, so now I'm uber grateful for all the work he puts into my head. My mouth has been complete and utter agony so now I have this numbing shit for it. It'll make eating and making sound effects slightly bearable. As for my social life, it's gone. Ashmlee Willie Winkie works on Friday and Sunday, I don't work, but school means that I only get Saturday and Sunday off. Nobody wants to do anything on Sunday, because other than watch DVDs at home or walk around a ghost town, there's really nothing to do. And I'm fed up of all the rants of being a bad girlfriend because I'm only like that with him because he happens to work shit days and be the complete opposite to any of my friends, in or out of school. I want to see Lady Hammett (and yes, I have changed her to that on my phone contact) and I don't want to get stuck in routine like I have the last twice. Maybe he'll go to some skating thing one week or a party... I'm definitely going to see Alice In Wonderland with Cerian at least though. I refuse to drag him to that. He says that I Love You Phillip Morris looks funny, but I wonder if he'll still say that when the time comes. I'd feel uncomfortable with him there, I mean HELLO! It's a gay film with Ewan McGreggor, I'm going to be in tens of thousands of over-excited pieces! Oh well, here goes nothing.

In Which I Don't Mention St. Valentine's Day.

Okay, so here are the three things I'm going to talk about: Dental Procedure, Lady Hammett, Swansea and Those With An XY Chromosome. (This post has taken me a while to red, I have NME on television and Pulp's song 'Disco 2000' came on. I've never properly watched the video and I find it necessary to stop everything I'm doing to watch and appreciate the God-like Jarvis Cocker. Then Head Automatica's 'Beating Heart Baby' came on and I had to drool to Daryl Palumbo, et cetera et cetera et cetera...)

(i) Dental Procedure. (Friday February Twelfth, Twenty-Ten. Part One.)

I have another procedure taking place in my head - or to be more specific, in my face - or to be more specific, in my mouth. Even though I'm only sixteen, I have wisdom teeth coming up, and lucky me, they're impacted. I went to the dentist about it before, but when I had the X-ray, they found the cyst. Obviously that was prioritised and sorted first. But now the pain was back. As I showed Lady Hammett on the bus the previous Saturday, my gums weren't allowing the teeth to come through so it looked like I had two lumps in the back of my mouth. This was the main cause of the pain. After a dental appointment, I was told to book another one on Friday. So we did and I left school between second and third lesson after picking up the school's supply of Gouache and some notes for Business that I'd failed to receive before. I read some of Chuck Palahniuk's 'Non-Fiction' in the waiting room. After a brief conversation with Dr. Rai, my dentist, he injected my mouth and froze it. He told me it would feel like a scratching sensation, but he didn't tell me that it would feel like a needle going into my head, which shocked me so much that I almost didn't realise the pain. He then cut off the gum that was covering my wisdom tooth on the painful side, and then stuck some material in my mouth and told me to bite onto it for ten whole minutes. This left me unable to talk and feeling rude because I couldn't say Thank You. There's now a square shaped hole in the back of my mouth; it's painful, gross and not lady-like at all.

(ii) Lady Hammett. (Friday February Twelfth, Twenty-Ten. Part Two.)

Once I'd had a piece of my head removed (see above), I text Lady Hammett telling her that she could still come over because it wasn't as painful as expected. She ended up staying, which was cool, and we watched two amazing films: Pineapple Express and Wilde. Turns out her second favourite person, James Franco, was one of the main dudes that I love. (He's second after Jeff Buckley, duh.) We took some pictures of ourselves doing faces that were just wrong, and we spoke about girly stuff until Hell froze over. Thankfully, she was producing the main output for a change. I enjoyed it too, because with me there's always something new that I want to tell Lady Hammett, so to shut up and listen to her going on for ages about one thing was fun. We went to bed at four, then she spoke some more and we eventually fell asleep. She had to leave early the next day because I was meeting up with Ashmlee Willie Winkie at eleven in Llandeilo. I'm sad that Lady Hammett is going to Wells, I'm scared of being replaced and not have anyone to rant all my stupid girly crap to. If she keeps her blog up though, we can keep up to date with everything and I'll get her Christmas presents and Birthday presents and everything!

(iii) Swansea. (Saturday February Twelfth, Twenty-Ten. Part One.)

The Saturday previous, I went on a date with Sam Mitchell. This week, I went to Swansea again but with Ashmlee Willie Winkie. To everyone else, it would look like a date, and I suppose it was, but we didn't discuss that word! It still makes me blush see... Anyway, I showed him the best place in the whole of Swansea to get a pasty, especially if you're a vegetarian (which he isn't, but he is considerate this year because he said that if we go to Subway, he'd end up eating meat, meat and more meat). It's in the market, and it's but the entrance that's on the same street as Accessorise, Monsoon and Lush. The cheese and onion pasty is full of potato, so it's delicious, even though it did burn my tongue. Then we strolled to the cake stall diagonal to my Mother's Cousin soap stall, and then walked around the perimeter of the market a whole five times trying to find an empty bench. We didn't, so we went to O'Briens and got a tea and a coffee, and snuck in our cakes. Ashmlee Willie Winkie had chocolate cake, I had carrot cake. The lady next to us was drinking tea and I was watching her for no particular reason when all of a sudden her cup snapped clean in half in mid-air. It made me feel like Harry Potter when he gets peeved and his Aunt balloons. I was scared of being cautioned by the wizarding community then... haha. Anyway, we strolled around and kind of did nothing. I bought Taylor Swift's album and Frankmusik's album. I wanted to get Ellie Goulding's or Marina & The Diamonds' but they hadn't come out by then. Oh, and we found this place that sells every kind of milkshake imaginable (including Parma Violets, Peanut Butter and Chocolate and Skittles). I had the Nutella one, obviously. I'm going to go there on all of my Swansea trips. That way, I can make a mental League Table of the best ones, and when we're all up to it, it'll be fun for all of us to get gross ones as a laugh! We're all nerds anyway! At one point, at least one hundred people were crowded around the fountain watching the rugby on the huge television screen by McDonald's.

(iv) Those With An XY Chromosome. (Saturday February Twelfth, Twenty-Ten. Part Two.)

Ashmlee Willie Winkie came over and had pasta here, eventually staying the night because he works with Pa on Fridays and Sundays in The Fig Tree, and has done since the first time we went out four years ago. Mother was really upset when I left him, so Pa offered him a job. This year, he has an opinion which is amazing because that was one of his biggest flaws before. He even shook his head when I asked him if he liked So You Think You Can Dance because I was watching Tommy. Before he would've just shrugged. Anyway, I think we're kind of together, but two really scary things happened. The first one was that he looked like this creepy guy on the internet that I use to talk to, and the second thing was that when we were making out, I thought it would be funny to think of Meh, and when I did I was so turned on that I felt like crying because it wasn't Meh and never will be Meh. Then I thought of Blondie, which didn't make the situation much better. We ended up watching 'Silence of the Lambs'. I loved it and now need to see 'Hannibal' and read the books.

Ewan McGregor Causes Teen Jizz! xD

So today I went to Swansea with Sam Mitchell and we went to the cinema and saw Youth In Revolt, which stared Michael Cera as his usual self. I wore my sexy new Nike shoes. Then, on our way to the bus (which we didn't catch because it was full) we saw Lord and Lady Hammett having a stroll in WHSmiths. We collaborated and became the coolest kids in town. That's not what I'm going to rabbit on about though... I have an even bigger fish to fry!

We were sat three rows back from the screen, we had our bags on the floor, I had a bottle of water in my right hand and my right arm was bent at the elbow; I was comfortable. The trailers were loud and a majority of them were fast-paced; I had seen many of them before. Then everything changed.

A silent green screen appeared before me. My favourite colour completely caught my attention and a little buzz hummed in my stomach. (Like when Sims clap at their favourite things, this is my personal reaction, a humming buzz in my tum.) Jim Carrey appeared on the screen, I wasn't as excited as before, but not disappointed either. He's an amazing actor and a hilarious guy, but he doesn't tend to be in the films that you pay around £7 to see in the cinema. The film seemed funny, had a twist. Then, for the first time in my life, I was so sexually frustrated that I had to hold it in and squirm about in my seat. THE Ewan McGregor appeared on the screen. He is just amazing and in this film, he's gay with Jim Carrey. He seems to be overly-sensitive and sweet, a Virgo (just typed that in as 'virgin' and it made me laugh). I need to see this film or I'll die!

I Love You Phillip Morris - Coming Out On Wednesday March Seventeenth.

As my older readers will have read (http://turnipface.blogspot.com/2009/06/homosexual-lust.html), I totally have a thing for gay things and people. This film, entitled I Love You Phillip Morris, is a true story about Steven Jay Russell who, to be fair, is a genius. His IQ is 163, and he is an American con artist and an impostor who has had multiple prison escapes. He met Phillip Morris in prison, and they fell in love. He even had Morris transported to his prison at one point! A book's been published about his life, and he is now serving a 144 year long prison sentence. He's 51 now.

Here's a condensed list of his most epic escapes:

♥ In 1996, while in Harris County Jail (Texas), Russell impersonated a judge and ordered his own bond decreased from $900,000 to $45,000, which he immediately posted. He was arrested 10 days later in Florida and was sent back to Texas.

♥ That same year he started taking art classes provided by the prison. Each time he attended a session, he snatched a green Magic Marker and hid it under his bed. Eventually, he had enough markers to dye his white prison uniform green. Since all the medical professionals in the prison wore green uniforms, Russell simply walked out of the prison disguised as a "doctor."

♥ At the prison library, Russell began reading up on the HIV virus and AIDS. He began taking laxatives to make it seem as if he had the symptoms of AIDS. Russell used a prison typewriter to forge a medical document stating that he suffered from the disease, and used it to convince doctors of his "condition" on February 24. He fooled the prison doctor into believing that a 'special needs parole' to a Houston hospital had been authorized on March 13. While outside and free again, Russell posed as a doctor and informed the prison that Russell had died from AIDS.

♥ When police were alerted of his latest doings, Russell feigned a heart attack and was transported to a hospital. The FBI placed him under guard, but Russell managed to impersonate an FBI agent on his cellular phone and convinced officers guarding him to leave. He walked out of the hospital and the hunt for Russel began all over again.

Oh, and don't worry people - not all of my future posts are going to be videos. I told Sam to be more open on his blog (http://thezealouszebra.blogspot.com/) and to post what he wrote about being depressed. I was going to write a post about my views on depression and self-harm today, but seeing this trailer just made me want to spread the word. That won't be a long blog post by the way, and it won't be a pondering kind of thing either. I know where my views stand and I've developed them over the last four years of my life. So nothing short of a near-death experience will change that! xD

For What It's Worth...

Sorry about the title name. I couldn't think of a short or catchy title so I just stole the name of a Placebo song from their amazing new album. Seriously, I wasn't sure if I should buy it or not so I did because I love Brian Molko and it had good reviews in both Kerrang! and NME and you know what, I haven't regretted buying it at full price once. It was totally worth it!

Anyway, back to my original story for you all. It all began yesterday morning... *drifts and swirls into flashback...*

I was stood in Ammanford bus station at around 09.43 holding in my hand four plastic spoons, one low fat raspberry yogurt costing 32p and one hazelnut yogurt costing 50p. I'd been waiting for a bus for around fifteen minutes and I had expected Cerian to be sat on the bus that pulled up in front of me, but she wasn't and that just made me really confused. Everyone passed me to get on the bus whilst I looked around frantically. Then I saw her reflection wandering around looking confused, as usual. We quickly joined forced and jumped on the bus - I still can't believe that the price has gone up from £2.50 to £2.75, I remember when they were well cheap.

We started off going to Topshop and were shocked that a majority of the stuff was either £50 or £32, although a lot of the accessories were either £9 or £12, which isn't actually bad considering how good the stuff is and to be fair, Topshop has got good quality. Realising we're far too poor to shop there, we made a hasty retreat and went to Accessorize instead. Cerian bought a phone charm whilst telling me about her Alice in Wonderland themed Mad Hatter tea party that she's doing for her birthday in November, and I bought a bunny rabbit mask for £3 whilst falling in love with a keyring that I could've bought, but didn't because I already have so many and I don't have many keys to put them with. We then popped to Primark (shock shock horror, I know!) and then we both bought a pair of £1 sunglasses (Cerian has pink thick plastic frames and I have white thick plastic frames), and I bought a silky £3 red nightie. I looked for a corset, but could only find 'shapewear' ones, which start as a bra and go down to knicks, like what babies wear. Needless to say, I didn't get it. I have a corset now, but the bra part doesn't fit me so it doesn't boost me up. (There's a nice image for you!) We went to His Master's Voice then, and I bought Biffy Clyro's 'Singles 2001 - 2005' and 3oh!3's 'Want' and Cerian bought Katy Perry's amazing 'One of the Boys' (I want to be more like Katy Perry...).

We then popped to Schuh, and there was this well hot guy looking in our direction, shadowing us. I was looking at these amazing Nikes which cost £55, he could probably tell that I was going to buy them, but it was such a lot of money to spend in one go and I'd never bought shoes on my own. We went and bought some food (which ended up so insane and embarrassing that we had to make yet another hasty retreat), I got a text from Mother confirming that I should buy them and then we traipsed up to a hole in the wall to get £20 out of the bank. We took a quick detour to Derrik's Music (where I would love love love to work) and Hobo's, then went back to Schuh and to our horror, the same amazingly hot guy was shadowing us. I picked up the same pair of shoes that I'd been perving on for ages, and when I saw the guy approaching, I stared at the shoes wishing he'd walk past, and when he asked if we were okay, Cerian grabbed the shoe, shoved it in his direction and yelled, "Can we have this is in a size seven please?" He came back with two pair of shoes and said, "Hi, yeah. We don't have a size seven, but here's the size six and the size eight pair." Then I had the moment which I hate so much that it causes a lump in my throat and my face to go red; I had to try them on with the guy stood there. I clumsily and slowly tried the six on and declared them far too small, which I knew they'd be anyway. Then I tied the eights on and silently cursed myself the whole time because I could feel them watching me and I was having problems with putting them on. I said I'd buy them and he muttered something that both of us didn't hear before walking off whilst I struggled to put my Converse back on. Confused, Cerian and I strolled over to the counter and he walked past us and mumbled something else. We both nodded and smiled then looked at each other dazed, he could tell that we hadn't heard so he pointed at the counter and told us to go to the till. So like two obedient fangirls, we did. The woman lent over the counter and said "Nikes?" but I had no idea what she said because she pronounced it so that it rhymed with Mike, unlike when I pronounce it. I'm one of the idiots that say it so that it rhymes with Mickey you see. When she said it again, I went "Oh!" and nodded. I then paid and made a hasty retreat for the third time that day.

Cerian seemed to be in a weird mood that day, so I felt really bad because I'd spent so much money when she'd only had £12 for the whole trip. We caught the bus at 14.31 (which is super early) and it said it went from Swansea to Llandeilo through Ammanford which meant it also went through Llandybie, which is the name of the lifeless shit hole that I live. The bus got to Ammanford, everyone got off except for me, Cerian jumped on a bus which went straight to Brynaman and the bus driver said, "Where you going love?" I walked up to him and said, "Doesn't this bus still go to Llandeilo?" (I'm a typical woman see, I answer questions with questions.) The driver said, "No love, this bus goes straight back to Swansea. Where do you live?" I told him that I live in Llandybie and he typed up something on his pad before telling me, "The next bus to Llandybie goes from that stop in half an hour." I said thank you and made my fourth and final hasty retreat of the day. I did my coat up, put my hood up and put my Jarvis playlist on. (It's called that because he's amazing and the playlist is both his solo work and Pulp.) I had decided to walk because it takes me thirty to forty minutes to walk so it seemed pointless to wait that long for a bus.

The pavement was icy and I had a slight difficulty breathing, due to a mixture of asthma which only plays up when I haven't got my pump on me, the cold since it doesn't go well when you breathe through your mouth like I do and my paranoia about breathing really loudly so that everyone else can hear and I don't know because I'm listening to my iPod. Yes I know, that last one is weird and as a result, I hold my breath on the bus when we go over speed bumps. My favourite part of the walk was when I reached Bonllwyn and 'Big Julie' was playing. It's about some fat girl who is always alone and she's so moved by this one song that she's playing that she just stops caring and realizes the shallowness and hypocrisy of the world surrounding her. Seriously, YouTube 'Big Julie Jarvis Cocker' because it's such an uplifting sounding song, and the lyrics are uplifting too, you should Google them. You don't need to know the tune to appreciate how amazing a lyricist Jarvis is, his narratives are second to none, not even Ryan Ross could compete. I might post the lyrics up here one day... Just the way that the drums pick up in the chorus and you can feel it all build, it made me want to throw myself in front of a car whilst screaming in defiance, just like 'Tonight, Tonight' by The Smashing Pumpkins made me want to cry and scream, and 'This Charming Man' by The Smiths made me want to smash all the glass in the bus up whilst screaming. When you get a feeling as powerful as that, you know that song has changed you. Like Chuck Palahniuk's character Shannon McFarland from Invisible Monsters wrote: Nothing Of Me Is Original. I Am The Combined Effort Of Everybody I've Ever Known. I also passed Angharad Dymond who's in my form and is really pretty, she waved which made my insides feel happy. I like it when people acknowledge me outside school.

Nothing really happened after that though. I arrived safely, virginity intact! xD