New year, new start, or so they say...
The snow came down so quickly, and it stuck! It was a lovely start to January, but already I am plagued by self-hate and annoyance. My Pa has an amazing way of making me hate myself without even trying, and then I scare myself with the ease in which I imagine myself commiting suicide. Then I'm horrible to Mother who has an annoying voice at times, but doesn't want any harm to come to anyone, then I hate myself for being horrible to her. Pa is one of those people who was obviously bullied as a child, because he takes offence at the tiniest things and it infultraites the atmosphere, turning the room into a cold pit of awkwardness. He always chooses the living room to sulk in as well, and you have to go through it in order to go upstairs. Then the longer you go without saying anything, the harder it is to speak in his precense. He's either stuck on the computer, and then when you're talking to him, he freaks out because he's doing something. When he's not on the computer, he's slumped on the couch watching shit on the television and gets really offended when you show an interest in changing the channel.
Anyway, last years goal was to be more feminine, and I achieved that. So this year I have a few ideas... I'm going to save £2 a week, which will make £100 by Christmas, stay vegetarian, get a corset, get more confidence (because it'll enable me to be more feminine), not rush into things and have fun being young.
The snow came down so quickly, and it stuck! It was a lovely start to January, but already I am plagued by self-hate and annoyance. My Pa has an amazing way of making me hate myself without even trying, and then I scare myself with the ease in which I imagine myself commiting suicide. Then I'm horrible to Mother who has an annoying voice at times, but doesn't want any harm to come to anyone, then I hate myself for being horrible to her. Pa is one of those people who was obviously bullied as a child, because he takes offence at the tiniest things and it infultraites the atmosphere, turning the room into a cold pit of awkwardness. He always chooses the living room to sulk in as well, and you have to go through it in order to go upstairs. Then the longer you go without saying anything, the harder it is to speak in his precense. He's either stuck on the computer, and then when you're talking to him, he freaks out because he's doing something. When he's not on the computer, he's slumped on the couch watching shit on the television and gets really offended when you show an interest in changing the channel.
Anyway, last years goal was to be more feminine, and I achieved that. So this year I have a few ideas... I'm going to save £2 a week, which will make £100 by Christmas, stay vegetarian, get a corset, get more confidence (because it'll enable me to be more feminine), not rush into things and have fun being young.
Cool new blog, I like the Whiskered Face, and I think it's a good idea to start fresh. You've got some good resolutions which are quite wise, especially having fun being young.
ReplyDeleteYou shouldn't hate yourself because of your parents. I'm sure that they love you and that they really don't mean to. If you haven't already you should talk to them and explain how you feel. That's the most direct way.
Sam
=/ Be careful with the corsets, ok?
ReplyDeleteAnd just ignore your parents.
Ask Ab about what I went through last year. It made me a horrible, bad, angry, vile, loathsome person, and my parents used that against me.
They love you really. They just use every single bit of ammo you give them.
:) So give them none.
xox