The Day I Walked Four Miles

Next Saturday, I'm going to the cinema with Cerian, Kate (her 'plus one') and Abi (my 'plus one') to see Tim Burton's 'Alice In Wonderland' (since Cerian and I have been waiting with much excitement to see it since rumours of the project were first announced). After that, I have to go up to the Rugby Club with Mother for BitchMouth's older brother's eighteenth birthday bash. He's doing A Level English and Mother tutors him because he's atrocious! We'll only be going for an hour because we aren't the kind of people to go to those places. Therefore, I went up to Ffairfach to see Ashmlee Willie Winkie this Saturday, so he wouldn't be too disappointed in not seeing me when I'm in Swansea.

I didn't make a special effort to wake up early, so I got out of bed at 13.30 and got to Ashmlee Willie Winkie's house in Ffairfach by 15.00 after I'd bathed and made myself decent. First we stood around in his house awkwardly, then we walked up to the gallery in Llandeilo. I was told that my work resembled some artist called Esther something, so I made the special effort to go up to check her out. I've never been so insulted! She paints £300 smudges that aren't even recognisable half the time. My paintings don't look like smudges! (I've included my favourite animal one to prove my point!) Then we strolled to CK's and the Co-operative (both circled in turquoise on the map). I bought a large packet of plain Aero and one of those little milk bottles (semi-skimmed of course), whilst Ashmlee Willie Winkie bought a large packet of mint Aero, a can of Coke and a packet of crisps. We ate all of this pretty quickly. Then I had the great idea of having an adventure and walking up to the bandstand (which is circled in yellow on the map). We instead chose to go down a wooded area where a deer cull is currently being undergone, there was a faint path but it was so slippery and muddy that it was more hazardous than helpful. Then we ended up at an abandoned church and graveyard. Seriously, some of the people there were from the 1800s! They had cool names too, so I took a picture of around three and plan to use them for inspiration. We then strolled through the fields, seeing an adorable lamb on the way. I loved it anyway, but when it got up and limped up to us with a broken leg my heart could've exploded. Then it limped off. I don't know the RSPCA number, but last time I phoned them they said they couldn't do anything about the bird with it's wing hanging off. Arseholes. Anyway, we walked through around three fields and then I saw Dinefwr Castle. New adventure, duh! We trekked up there, our legs breaking in half, and then explored every inch of the castle possible. The steps up to some of the towery bits were so steep that they actually touched the back of my knee (which is around 18inches). I've pulled my right thigh in the process! Then as it was getting dark, we left. At one point, I skidded and landed face first into Ashmlee Willie Winkie. I started talking about how old the castle must be, and I was rather impressed when he remembered the phrase 'motte and bailey castle'. When we were in the fields, the moon was full and the clouds were strolling past it. I joked that these were the kind of scenes where the werewolves come streaming out of the forest and eat their victims. It was really dark when we finally got out of the fields.I know it's awful, but I'm a little bit scared of people with mental problems, you never know what they're thinking and they're revolting. (We all have faults, right?) You can imagine my horror when one came over to Ashmlee Willie Winkie and myself asking if we'd seen a dachshund. She made me think of one of the infected people in 28 Days Later, which sort of freaked me out! We passed a sign saying 'Bogwood Boardwalk' which tickled us, and then when we reached the main road, we went to Spar for Ashmlee Willie Winkie to buy a drink. We then popped on a bus and zoomed to my house.

When home, I tied his hair up and then abused him a bit. Then we ate pizza and watched Underworld: Rise Of The Lycans with my parents. I loved it! Michael Sheen has always teetered on my 'weird man crush' list, but now he's properly included as one of the mains! Oof! NOMNOMNOM! Ashmlee Willie Winkie and I went upstairs and made out for a bit whilst listening to my 'Jarvis' playlist (which is a mix of his solo stuff and Pulp). I kept giggling at how inappropriate some of the lyrics were. After that, Pa took him home and then the Brownies sat and watched Underworld and Underworld: Evolution. This took us up to about 05.00, so I went up to bed and read some of Red Dragon by Thomas Harris before eventually falling asleep. I also text my lovely Lady Hammett for a bit. After writing this, I printed out the map with our snail trail on and with a piece of string, measured how far we walked. The results were 22, 500 feet which is 4 miles or 7 kilometres, whatever floats your boat. No wonder my leg is still killing me!